This is the last part of my fanfiction. its like a million (500) words too long so I need to cut some bits out. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!!
“Hi, Henk. I just came to see if you’re okay… How’s the baby? Have you given her a name yet?” Matilda had come to visit Henk at his caravan, despite her feelings towards Henk she felt sorry for him. She knew how much impact Cassie’s death had had on everyone’s lives, especially his.
“What’s the point of naming her when I won’t be keeping her? I’m going to adopt her out to somebody who can take care of her.”
“What!? Henk you can’t do that. You have no right to do that. Cassie was part of my life too. You’re not the only one who’s devastated right now.”
“Well if it means that much to you why don't you look after her!”
“I can’t believe you, Henk. I can’t believe I came here to see if you were okay. Why did it have to be Cassie? Why couldn't it have been you?? Everybody knows her death was your fault. Why don't you act your age for once in your life!? You’re 30 years old, Cassie was only 18. Just take responsibility.”
“But how can I do this without Cassie? We were so happy when we found out that she was pregnant. We had it all worked out. We were going to move into my place in the city, I’d go back to my old job and Cassie would look after the baby. How can I do that without her? I’ll have no time. I’m not being selfish I’m just being realistic. I won’t have any time for her. She’ll be better off without me, just like Cassie would’ve been.”
“Henk I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I just said. I know you loved Cassie. And she loved you so much. No matter how many people told her to stay away she would always go back to you. She loved you so much, Henk. You can get help looking after the baby, money, childcare, and we’ll all help too. We just want the chance to see Cassie’s child grow up. Cassie’s gone; she’s all that is left...” Matilda sighed, “Just think about it.”
“Rachel!” Henk called.
Rachel turned around, “Henk I’m busy. I’m in the middle of rounds.”
“This won’t take long I promise. I just wanna apologize for all the grief I’ve caused you over the past two weeks, I’m sorry for everything. I just want to tell you that I’ve made a decision, I am leaving Summer Bay. Tomorrow.”
“Well if that’s what you’ve decided... I don’t know why I expected anymore.”
“But Rachel, I’m taking Cassie with me.”
“Sorry, what? How are you gonna do that?”
“Cassie, my child, I’m taking her with me.”
“You named her Cassie? Oh, Henk! I never thought I’d say this but, I’m so proud of you.”
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3 comments:
Some great soap narrative. I especailly like the way that you mimic the short constantly changing scenes of the soap narrative - although I imagine the death scence would have been milked a bit harder. I'm curious why was Henk to blame for Cassie's death? Was this part of the original soap narrative?
in the actual soap Henk gives Cassie HIV but I didnt really wanna go into too much detail because its not really the main focus of my narrative, also I know that a convention of soap operas is to always leave an air of mystery
that and ive already gone way over the word limit!
don't worry too much about the limit - it's more of a minimum limit. Yes you're right about the air of mystery concept -it keeps the viewer interested, however if the viewers are lacking too much info they will stop watching. Soaps also provide a continuous air of suspense -e.g. at each and every moment there is some unfinished point of interest that will leave viewers wanting more (however there is always enough info in every scene so that it all makes sense for the viewer who has just tuned in). soap writing is an extremely manipulative genre.
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